Hand(re)Made Films

Word from Cannes is that the classic British gangster picture The Long Good Friday (1980), among the finest of a excellent slate of movies put out by the George Harrison-owned HandMade Films in the 1980s, is being remade under the auspices of the company's current owners. It'll be relocated, updated, contemporized, etc. by director Paul W.S. Anderson, of Resident Evil and Aliens vs. Predator fame.

The original film is so much a product of its Blighty milieu, and so well-acted by Bob Hoskins and Helen Mirren, it's hard to figure what anyone is getting for the trouble and expense of a remake except a title beloved by film buffs who will undoubtedly shun the new picture. The new, but retro-thinking, HandMade is also...sacrilege...redoing one of my very favorites, Mona Lisa, with Kids director Larry Clark (!). A remake, or sequel, or who knows maybe both to Terry Gilliam's Time Bandits is in the works, and stage versions of Withnail and I and A Private Function are planned.

HandMade does have some originals on its slate. But the reliance on would-be trendy, with-it reduxes of a catalog that has hardly aged a day in terms of quality and is readily accessible to the younger, presumably culturally illiterate cinephiles being courted suggests a name change is in order. FactoryMade, perhaps? MachineTooled?

UK's Hammer Films is allegedly back from the dead, too, but its plans are unknown. Variety also reports that Dario Argento's classic chillers from the 70's, like Suspiria, will be refitted for today's Goth kids. Rest assured that the 30-year-old Suspiria, available on DVD, is entirely capable of scaring the MySpace generation on its own. But the horror film makers I loved in my youth, alas, are all cashing in on their handmade masterpieces, with John Carpenter and Wes Craven treating their resumes like 401ks that can be banked on as they hit their senior years. Buffs moan and complain about the filmmakers behind redos like the upcoming Halloween remake--they should instead blame their money-grubbing creators, who have given up creature features for creature comforts.