"Top Critic"

Jeff, my editor at Popdose, says that the Rotten Tomatoes website, which aggregates reviews, has named me a Top Critic for my critique of the new documentary Standard Operating Procedure. I'm cool with that, if a little hazy on the specifics. Is there a cash prize? Do I get to hang out in a special "TC" lounge with the likes of Richard Schickel and Claudia Puig (first round's on me, guys!).

The big question: Once a TC, always a TC, or do I have to keep, like, proving myself? If that's the case I reckoned to retire early and just rest on this laurel.I asked Jeff, who said it's a forever kind of deal. That boosted my ego. Well, not so fast: It helps, he says, that I wrote for Newsweek.com seven or eight years ago (still ID'ed as a gig, something that was decided for me by the site and that I can't change), and that my last name begins with "C," for easier front-page placement under each entry for every film I review. That ever-so-slightly let the air out of my newly self-inflated status (editors, gotta love how they have your back). In any event, it's better than "Flop Critic," and with the little gold star appended to all my reviews now I can smite the lackeys at Time Out New York and Premiere, who are as yet without luster. Yoo hoo, Richard, Claudia--drinks at 6!